Essay #2 [Classification]

        Walking into a bar you can usually see all kinds of people. Sports fans, artists, teachers, tall people, short people, black, white, Hispanic, shy people, loud and obnoxious people. When it comes to where I bartend I don't have the pleasure of meeting such a variety. Except for loud and obnoxious, there's plenty of that. My bar sits in a small “mill town” where boys grow up to drive skidders, and forget about hygiene, while the women are mainly there for breeding. My bar is 1 out of 2 in the town, and it's in 1 of the 3 Chinese restaurants within a 1 mile radius. When I'm standing behind my bar waiting for the next customer to approach I already know what kind of people I am going to see. The women are cougars, the men are pigs, and the couples that walk in can be compared to a house cat. All are around the same age, (to be nice I'll simply say they are older than me), and each group has their own agenda.

        Most know that cougars are older woman looking to relive their youth. You can find them on the arm of any young man. Or at least her eyes are attached to one. I can tell when one walks in. Their eyes are shifty and their nose in the air as if they are searching and sniffing out their pray. There's a swing in their hips as if they are setting the bait. They laugh loud to draw attention, and frequently use the bathroom to strut their stuff on each trip. Their first sentence is usually “Where's all the good men around here?” Which they don't really care about “good”, and to be honest I don't know the answer. I hand them their fruity lady drink and move onto the next customer.

        When people think of pigs, most would say they are dirty animals who feed on slop. This goes for most the men that walk into my bar. They're still dirty from a day’s work, or sometimes are just plain dirty, and are looking for a piece of meat. I don't mean food, I mean any pretty little thing that walks by. “Hey sexy mama” spurts out from their thick grizzly beard that covers their mouth so you can't tell they only have 3 teeth in that nitwit skull. But hey, they have a wad of 50s in their pocket, perhaps that remark should be excused. I hand them their beer, resisting to show them an eye roll, and put my smile on the next customer.

        The domestic house cats are friendly and playful. These couples walk in and offer a caring smile. They flirt, they tease, they have humor, but they never cross the line. These customers are my favorite. Sometimes I sit back and watch them. Occasionally they'll be the kind to rub upon someone’s leg for a bit of attention, but always make their way back to the one they are with. They are all comfortable, and have an aura of power. They know they are worth my time and kindness. They know they are the favorites. They never take advantage. They are simply just out to have fun. They each stick to their routine. “The usual please” and I know what it is.

        I'll admit that once in a blue moon we will get some out-of-towners that fall out of these categories. Occasionally I get to see the well groomed man with manners. A hard working woman whose agenda is still work even if she is trying to relax with a drink. Groups of families gathering for a reunion and ready to raise a little hell. For me, it's nice to see a different type and get a break from the regulars. No matter what though, all these people are what make my job enjoyable. Rather I like it or not each one has become a part of my life.